Eat Pray Suck
by Eve-the-Charlotte
Summary: In which Dib contemplates the re-writing of books to make them relevant to his interests, and Zim tries to take over the world with Twilight and Death Note.  ZADR.  K  due to lack of both swearing and sexy material.  Enough fluff to rot your brains out.


_Eat Pray Suck _by _Eve-the-Charlotte_

Pairing: ZaDr; mentions Edward/Bella and Jacob/Bella from the book "Twilight" and L/Light (or Raito, whatever) from the manga/anime "Death Note"

Summary: In which Dib contemplates the re-writing of books to make them relevant to his interests, and Zim tries to take over the world with Twilight and Death Note. ZADR.

Disclaimer: I actually don't own Invader Zim. I know, like, shocker, right? Not. I also don't own Death Note, Twilight, Eat Pray Love, and whatever else is made fun of up in here. Peace and chicken grease, yo!

*EatPraySuck*

"Oi, Zim, I have a question," Dib asked, his scythe-like strand of hair obscuring his vision slightly as he slumped down on the cherry red, weather-beaten couch belonging to his arch-enemy-except-not-really-anymore-now-that-Dib-realized-the-egotistical-idiotic-alien-was-never-going-to-take-over-the-world-in-any-way-shape-or-form. That was a long title, right, but Dib didn't care about that right now. The question he was about to ask was far more important than an irritatingly long title for the alien he was currently visiting.

"What, pathetic pig-human, do you need to ask of the mighty Zim? Perhaps you are wondering how I will take over this stupid planet this time, eh," the Irken asked, grinning triumphantly at his arch-enemy-except-not-anymore-since-Zim's-squeedily-spootch-now-felt-strange-whenever-Dib-touched-him-or-smiled-or-did-whatever-else-the-pig-human-did-to-make-Zim-feel-weird. And, yes, Zim realized how long a title it was for that smelly-pig-human, but Zim was an almighty invader, so he could do whatever he wanted. So there.

"Why can't eat Eat Pray Love be Eat Pray Suck."

"What?"

"I mean, they're doing all these monster parodies with classical literature and stuff, nowadays, right," Dib inquired, biting his lower lip gently.

"What are you implying, Dib-stink," Zim shouted, voice having been raising gradually since hearing Dib's out-of-the-blue-out-of-the-ballpark question, "speak now before Zim destroys you for interrupting the planning of this stupid rock's end by the. Almighty. INVADER. **ZIM!**"

"I mean to say that Eat Pray Love would be a hell of a lot more interesting if it had vampires or werewolves or zombies or something," Dib explained, "after all, Pride & Prejudice actually became a really good read after it became Pride & Prejudice & Zombies."

"And that is why Dib-stink will not survive when Zim takes over the world," Zim replied coolly, watching as his words worked themselves through Dib's pig-brain.

"Wait a second, what," was the shout that was music to the Almighty Zim's antennae. Zim smirked at the shocked expression on that smelly pig-human's face. Zim's quirk of the lips did not leave even as the sight of Dib's shock made his squeedily-spootch fill with Tamaranian t'yor'naks. Moving on.

"You see, Dib-pig-human, Zim plans to control the minds of all the teenage girls and boys on the planet by using works related to the genre hew-mans call 'horror' like the parodies of Eat Pray Love, Anna Karenina, and Pride & Prejudice, along with the poorly written yet strangely addictive book series Twilight to destroy this pitiful rock of a planet. Mwah-hah-hah-hah," Zim laughed maniacally at the thought of his imminent victory of Earth's pathetic dominant race, ignoring the churning in his stomach when he considered that Dib was part of that doomed species.

Dib stood, hands clenched, retorted, "And what about those who think that stuff's stupid? There are enough people that your plan will backfire!"

"And that is why the Almighty Invader Zim will control the remaining populace through the Japanese manga slash anime Death Note," Zim shouted, starting to lose control of his temper. Remember when Zim thought that he would stop his schemes of destroyed the planet Earth? Well, when Zim thought up a surefire plan like this one, nothing was going to stand in his way, not even those weird feelings for the pig-human Dib!

Dib Membrane stared at Zim, his mouth opening and closing like a fish's, when Zim realized his inner monologue was not all that inner. Zim felt an odd heat in his face as Dib's cheeks turned a strange red color that Zim did not find all that unattractive. Zim blinked and suddenly found Dib much closer to Zim than he was not a moment before. Zim didn't blink anymore, not even as Dib closed the gap between their lips. The soft press of the hew-man's lips against Zim's own made the heat grow hotter and caused the t'yor'naks to multiply rapidly in his squeedily-spootch.

Even as Dib pulled away, the Almighty Invader Zim completely forgot what he had been saying beforehand. All that mattered was grabbing Dib to bring the strange native close to Zim again. And that was exactly what Zim did.

*EatPraySuck*

The ending is a bit "meh," but oh well. . .

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